Happy Sadness

When Brandon left, part of my heart left with him. How can one feel such conflicted feelings all at the same time? Such extreme joy and pride and total heart wrenching sadness all at once, until you feel like your heart is going to explode. I see missionaries at Wal-Mart almost every day. When he first left, and I'd see them I would get teary-eyed and my heart would ache. Slowly I started bursting with pride when I'd see them and sometimes shed a tear of joy at the thought of how awesome he was doing. My heart would flutter every time no matter what. For the last two weeks I'm back to the teary-eyed stage and my heart tugs a little. Well, it kind of tugs a lot. I wonder how my son will adjust back into the real world again and will his decision always haunt him? Will his heart-strings tug every time he sees missionaries, for the rest of his life? Or will it be okay? I think it will be okay. I will always remind him that he served an honorable mission, though not as long as some, and his mission will continue for the rest of his life. My heart is so full right now, as I'm sobbing, anticipating putting my arms around him in 3 days. I'm so happy at the thought of seeing him again, yet so sad for what he is giving up. Ouch. I don't know if my heart can handle this again, so soon. It was just barely starting to heal from him leaving. I will always get a warm fuzzy feeling when I see the missionaries because my son was one, a really good one, and he will always be one. My family will be complete again, and sadly, I'm happy...